I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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