Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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