I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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