you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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