ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
