You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
