Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
