My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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