It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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