too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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