I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
