need another drink. this is the easiest way
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
