Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
