It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize