whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize