i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
