You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
