I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
