You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
