we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
