I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
