Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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