i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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