I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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