im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
