My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
