So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My ass is underappreciated
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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