If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize