Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize