I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
