Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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