Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize