After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
