I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
