I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
