guys are not supposed to queef...right?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
