I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
