I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
