batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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