it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
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