I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
