I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
