just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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