my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
