go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
