If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
