Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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