how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
