I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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