New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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