What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
tell me about the fingering
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
