Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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