can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
