you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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