the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
