I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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