White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
