Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
