I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
