God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
