i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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