why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
