I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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