would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
