That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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